


Horny crimes

by Monnigu



Category: Cosmere - Brandon Sanderson, Stormlight Archive - Brandon Sanderson
Genre: Also I threw some hints at Kadolin and Shakadolin because of course I did, It doesn't have anything horny, Multi, bros being bros, is just for the joke of the premise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-21
Updated: 2020-04-21
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:22:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23761516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Monnigu/pseuds/Monnigu
Summary: After four months of being happily married to Shallan, Adolin wants to start spicing stuff up a little. Unfortunately for him, he needs some advice. The good news is that he knows exactly where to find this information, the bad news is that he can't go there alone, so he will have to seek the help of the only person he can trust, even if that person is the least prepared for the task.
Relationships: Kaladin & Adolin Kholin, Shallan Davar/Adolin Kholin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 20





	Horny crimes

It’s been four months since Adolin became a married man, and every single moment he passed with Shallan was a delight. Even with all his past courting, he never felt so loved and understood with anyone before and all that his biggest desire was to return the feeling.

Now, so far this seemed to be going perfectly, they both communicated and Shallan often said how much she trusted him. Even if his secrets weren’t as extreme as hers, they both shared an understanding that moved them along. Well, all but one subject… They communicated and is not that it wasn’t pleasant, all the contrary, but the thought that he could start to predict how nights were to turn out before they happened was a fear that crawled from the back of his mind. He had some experiences in the past, but the truth was that he and Shallan were lost on how to go further. He knew there were many ways the experience could vary, but he didn’t know them. And now with his cousin gone, and betrayed by his friends, Adolin was without any advice when he needed it the most.

It was okay, he told himself. He knew exactly where to find this kind of information; he just needed a little help…

“You need _what_ now?” Kaladin’s frown deepened, so judgmental that Adolin started to question his life decisions.

“I need you to help me find some porn folios so I can see how to make Shallan feel better,” Adolin said it slower this time, trying to keep eye contact with the larger man.

Kaladin’s dark, intense eyes almost made Adolin cringe. However, he saw how his expression started to change in confusion, until it became one of absolute befuddlement “Storm you, man, I… Why me of all people?” Kaladin asked pleading.

“Because you are the only one I can rely on!” Adolin said, also begging. He was desperate.

Kaladin keep his confused look, then took a deep breath “Why don’t you go there yourself?”

“No way! I am too recognizable, and you know how many of those women would love to make fun of me?” He knew his past romances would come back and bite him in the butt.

Kaladin looked pensive “Then why not just tell Shallan?”

“It is meant to be a surprise!” _of course Kaladin wouldn’t get it,_ Adolin thought.

“Renarin?”

“There is no way I am bringing this up to my little brother.” He said firmly.

“Dalinar?”

“There is definitely no way in damnation I am bringing this up to my father.”

“Navani?”

“Even worse!”

“… Jasnah?”

“Oh whoa, and I who believed your job was to keep me alive.”

“Skar or Drehy?”

Adolin frowned “No offense Kal, but you know better than anyone that if I tell any of them about this it will be only a question of hours before the whole tower knows.”

Kaladin keep looking around, like trying to find more options, but eventually, he looked at Adolin with a terrified look “Heralds! I am your only option!”

The two men looked at each other with a strange sense of defeat. The silence was uncomfortable and Adolin couldn’t stop feeling like one of the ten fools. Kaladin was the worst option for this, they both knew, and yet here he was in this disgraceful position just because of his man pride. He was already mentally preparing for apologizing and retire with the last crumbles of dignity left in him when he heard a long, soft sight.

“At least,” Kaladin said, still looking defeated but calmer “Tell me you have a plan.”

* * *

“She says they are in a black box in the back-left corner,” Kaladin said, supposedly repeating the words of his spren. He looked displeased.

Adolin frowned, trying to think in a way to get in. Right now, they were both sitting on a balcony to the side of the small library. At least they didn’t have to go all the way down to Jasnah’s library and study. Both had some orange wine to simulate as good as possible that they were just relaxing to curious eyes, instead of suspiciously planning to get some nasty folios.

A comfortable breeze brushed Adolin’s hair. To be honest the ambient would have been very relaxing if their minds weren’t somewhere else “Maybe you could fly?”

Kaladin shook his head “Syl says there is a window near the box, but they are too small. Maybe someone like Lopen or Lift could fit in, but we are too tall for that.”

Adolin huffed, starting to get frustrated “Well… Maybe I could ask for some books and while they are distracted you sneak up in the roof…”

“You are the one interested in those, not I.” He said almost derogatory, but when Adolin turned to protest, he was surprised to see Kaladin with a rare smirk “But it is not a bad plan. Do you remember when Szeth sent you to the roof, princeling?”

* * *

Adolin had heard of men going great lengths just to get some pleasure but _crawling on the roof_ was something Adolin was sure not even the most desperate had done at least since the Recreance.

 _I feel like a cremling_ He thought.

Lucky for him, the bookshelves were tall enough to hide him. However, a not well so thought out element to their operation though was that to get the books from the long list Adolin gave Kaladin to keep the women distracted meant they would be moving around. He had to be careful, take notice of voices and shadows as he moved, using the ventilation holes to hold and impulse himself to pass as fast as possible through the aisles.

Eventually, he spotted his objective: A medium-sized black box exactly on the last shelf, and for his relief, on the top of them all. _They want to keep it away uh_ He almost felt bad from taking something from there, these women took pride on having everything perfectly organized, just to have who they are going to guess was a very determined pervert steal their folios.

_I am a cremling_ He lamented.

He put himself in the right space between shelves that would let him hide if someone came. Now he just needed to wait for Kaladin for the next step. However, he still heard voices coming from the front of the library. _The list wasn’t that long…_ He decided to listen to the conversation to notice… The women were trying to flirt with Kaladin? Storming Bridgeboy and pity for who believed he would ever be interested. He sighed and decided to start looking through the box.

What Adolin found was… overwhelming. Not only there were a lot of them, but also the _variety_. Some stuff was pretty mild, reminding him of what he already knew with Shallan, but others seemed to be way far from what his imagination could conceive. Most of them were non-conventional to alethi standards too. his eyes glossed over some that featured more than just two people and his eyes instinctively went to check if Kaladin was already there, which he wasn’t. Some stuff seemed interesting, other scary and some just plain weird, but all of them were intriguing, especially considering he wasn’t properly looking them as he was upside-down. He felt like a whole world opened in front of his eyes. He used to be pretty sure of what he liked, and he was starting to get a good hold on what Shallan liked, but all of this made it seem almost trivial…

“Ey!” Adolin was snapped out of his thoughts to see Kaladin’s face on the window. “Do you have them?” He muttered, “Take what you need and let’s go!” Adolin just looked back and forth at the folios, and before the guilt and shame could take over, he threw the whole box at Kaladin.

* * *

“Oh, let’s go Kal, maybe this one would get your interest? With all of this, I’m pretty sure we can find something specifically for you.” Adolin said with taunting tone and Kaladin exaggerated an eye-roll, but it pleased Adolin to see that his friend was smiling.

Adolin felt like a teenager again. A boy more moved by hormones than his head and doing crazy stuff for it. But most importantly, sharing the experience with a friend. He didn’t know much about Kaladin’s prime years, but just by knowing him and how young he was when they meet Adolin already supposed that he never went into these shenanigans as a youngster. However, in Adolin’s mind only made the situation the more special, as even a few hours later they both keep joking about the whole situation. He might not know if Kaladin felt the same, but just looking at his rare smile was enough.

“When I was told that someone stole a whole box of porn folios in the Kholin library I thought maybe one of you knew the culprit, but this…” Shallan’s mocking tone surrounded them, and Adolin made a sound he didn’t know could be made by humans “I feel like I should be disappointed, but for some reason, I’m just absolutely _impressed_ ”

“Storming woman!” Kaladin cursed, but Shallan ignored both as she sat at their side, picking one of the folios.

“Impressed I say, there are so many!” She said calmly while checking it out like it was the latest fashion trends “But I must ask, _why do this_?”

Her bright blues eyes focused on Adolin’s and he gulped. He tried to say something, but his voice came out weak and was unable to keep a train of thought. All this work just for Shallan to find out the most embarrassing way! Adolin tried to look support on his friend, but when he noticed Kaladin was already rushing to the door.

“Oh look at the time Rock’s stew must be almost done and I am pretty sure he would be mad at me if I come to eat late again have a good afternoon!” He said fast at the door and Adolin felt deeply betrayed, but he noticed the glint and wink in Kaladin’s dark eyes, almost wishing him _good luck._ Adolin started to feel more confident as the door clicked closed.

“Oh, sure! But remember that you will eventually have to explain yourself too Bridgeboy!” Shallan screamed, and Adolin heard a chuckle come from the other side, followed by sounding footsteps going away. “Now” She regarded Adolin again, but this time with that _tone_ and _stare,_ one that he already knew predicted something really good was about to happen “Tell me what you plan to do with all the information in these folios?”

**Author's Note:**

> I really don't have a lot to say apart from I just thought the premise would be fun and that I made the first draft while drunk at 3 AM.


End file.
